is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
