Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
