awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
