At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
