I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
