his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
