the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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