This is not my ceiling
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
