Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
