the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
