I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
