More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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