Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
