You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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