I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize