I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
