I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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