I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
