i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
