...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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