I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
