babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hippo gnu deer
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
