carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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