yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
