Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
