Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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