She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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