I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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