is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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