We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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