Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
