mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
