How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
