I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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