I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
