Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
