I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
