I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
