There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
