it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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