Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
