I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
