I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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