You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
