just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
