remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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