perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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