Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
