Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
