I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh god the rape fog is back!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
