i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
