Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
