I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
