FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
