why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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