Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
