There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
