By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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