i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
