Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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