Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
