I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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