Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
