Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
