went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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