I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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