She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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