i may or may not be watching the land before time
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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