it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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