Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
