apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
