whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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