you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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