There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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