After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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